Mike Lemme

The St. Mark's Sessions begin November 10th!

Dick Cheney: The Playboy Interview

At the beginning of the article, Fox News Chief Washington correspondent and, when he wants to deliver a quality piece, Playboy writer James Rosen reveals that Dick Cheney has a “slender, mustachioed housekeeper named Gus” who serves him two lattes a day in “custom-ordered white Starbucks cups.”

What Rosen fails to mention is that Cheney pays Gus in photos of his loved ones holding that day’s newspaper.

The interview covers Cheney’s 40 years in politics and 40 years of heart problems. Throughout, it’s hard to determine which one is influencing his answers more. Especially when he responds to questions with “I need to think about that before I comment further” or “I am not prepared to make any bold statements on it at this point” and my favorite, “I can’t predict that.”

However, when Rosen asks Cheney about his views on the death of Michael Brown and Ferguson, the answer to this heart versus politics question becomes much clearer.

After Cheney describes what took place as a “tragedy” but also a “clear-cut case that the officer did what he had to do to defend himself,” Rosen asks Cheney if he thinks America is going to see more Fergusons, and Cheney replies with “I don’t know. I’m reluctant to generalize from it. I’ll leave it at that.”

Really?! Would it hurt you that much to say I hope not?! If this interview reveals anything about Dick Cheney, it’s that during his 2012 heart transplant, Cheney received the heart of Rocky 3’s Clubber Lang.

“Will America experience more Fergusons? I don’t want to generalize. All I know is America will experience PAIN.”

Also in the interview, Dick Cheney refers to President Obama as the “worst president” he has seen during his lifetime. Though he may be speaking too soon, since Cheney has already survived five heart attacks and a heart transplant, he might get to experience the disappointment of America’s next president, Marnie the Dog.



To be fair, there was a part in the interview where Cheney revealed his softer side, when talking about his daughter Mary.

When asked if having a lesbian daughter influenced his support of same-sex marriage, Cheney said, “I’m certain that having a daughter you love very much, part of your family, and to find that from her perspective, you know, the world looked very different than the conventional, traditional view of marriage, or life in general, it forces you to think about it, obviously.”

Right! Now couldn’t you use that same logic to understand why, when it comes to events like Ferguson, many people would, to quote Dick Cheney, quickly respond saying “the burden of race, or racial inequality or racial discrimination” were indeed “responsible for this particular event”?

I have to admit I’m still confused as to why Dick Cheney agreed to do an interview with Playboy. Who does he think he’s reaching? What kind of man might stumble upon an article in Playboy or on Playboy.com?



Oh, right.

This actually makes a lot of sense. What if before they met, Dick Cheney was sending subliminal messages to George W. Bush through Playboy?

The first Playboy came out in December 1953. Little 7 year old George W. Bush was snooping around his dad’s office and stumbled across that first Playboy. And we all remember who was Miss December 1953, right? That’s right- Miss. WMDoubleDs!

Since Dick Cheney is probably going to live forever, maybe he’s trying to make this happen again. Maybe he wants another shot at being Vice President? I wonder who he’s trying to send these subliminal Playboy messages to now?