Mike Lemme

The St. Mark's Sessions begin November 10th!

Alzheimer's Awareness

Alzheimer’s disease affects everyone. It has nothing to do with your race, gender, or sexuality. It’s like cancer or loving Will Smith. Everybody loves Will Smith.

According to a new study, only 36% of doctors treating a patient with Alzheimer’s will tell the patient they have the disease.  The other doctors surveyed claim they will not diagnosis someone with Alzheimer’s, because they are afraid of “causing emotional distress in their patients.”

Hold on a second! Does this mean 64% of doctors are in their 20's?!

“Ugh, I don’t want to diagnosis them and ruin their day, because then it’s gonna ruin my day! Am I really supposed to diagnosis these people and comfort them?! Isn’t that what nurses are for?! What would McDreamy do? Oh! Looks like I just got a new match on Tinder!”

If this study is accurate, it means that more than half of all doctors in America wait to diagnosis a patient with Alzheimer’s so they don’t hurt their feelings?! You know what would really hurt them? Finding out you didn’t tell them they have Alzheimer’s!

In the study, these doctors go on to say that not only do they fear causing “emotional distress,” they also blame their decision making on the “lack of time and resources” available to “fully explain what the diagnosis means.”

But that’s your job!

How do these doctors handle telling someone their parent died? Does the doctor call up their mom and dad to see if they'll do it?

“Hey, listen guys; no, I don’t need any more money, right now. Can you do me a huge favor? Yeah, can you just tell these crying parents that their baby died? I would do it myself, but I gotta go…do…some…other stuff. Oh! Looks like I just got a new match on Tinder.”

Let me see if I understand this correctly. Some doctors don’t want to diagnosis their patient with Alzheimer’s because they’re afraid of how the patient will respond, and they feel like they don’t have enough time to explain the disease?

Well if that’s the case, how about in medical school, we start teaching doctors how to diagnosis someone with emojis?

So you see, Patient #347, it’s quite simple. Right now, you can remember a few things, but eventually, you'll remember a lot less. But it’s all good, because when that day comes, I’m gonna give you these dope sunglasses.

Doctors also said they’re afraid of diagnosing someone with Alzheimer’s because that puts a label on the patient, and apparently, if you label someone as having Alzheimer’s, they might have trouble getting approved for the insurance they need.

Now this kind of makes sense. However, have you doctors heard of words like “probably” or “might?” As in “you probably have Alzheimer’s.” Or “you might have Alzheimer’s.” Or even, “there’s a good chance you shouldn't be a doctor.”

At least then the patient will be a lot more prepared to fight the disease than they would be with your current, Godfather-esque, “I’m gonna give you some advice you shouldn’t refuse.”

45% of the people surveyed, who are being treated for Alzheimer’s, were never actually told by a doctor that they have Alzheimer’s. According to the Alzheimer’s Association, every 67 seconds someone in the United States develops the disease.

The association is trying to increase the federal budget for Alzheimer’s research by $300 million. So hopefully, one day we’ll be able to find a cure, or at the very least, replace these chicken doctors with someone more responsible and sympathetic, like the receptionist at a New York City free clinic.

“Ay, I’m sorry to tell you, ya got Alzheimer’s. It sucks. I’ll give you 20 seconds to cry on my shoulder then I gotta catch a bus. ”  


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